Don't you send me to vm
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
