Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
