On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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