just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
