maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
