So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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