In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
