hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
