my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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