Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
this just has baby written all over it
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
