Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
