One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
