hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
