I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
did you just send me my own nude
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
