I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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