I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
