This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
