This is not my ceiling
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I need to stop coming to work sober
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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