Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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