I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
