i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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