A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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