hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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