I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
