I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
