shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i think i just lost a toe
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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