this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
