Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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