I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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