How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
