Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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