So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just want to make out with him forever
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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