I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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