Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
