if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
