Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
