I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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