Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
