wat bout pragnant strippers??
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
