He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
