just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
