apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
