he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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