theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
