He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
