Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
