I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
my liver is dry heaving
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
