nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
