Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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