it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
