Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
