Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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