also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
