dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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