I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
